Tony Overbay, LMFT and host of the Waking up to Narcissism and Virtual Couch podcasts, discusses the role of "implicit" memory when waking up to the emotional immaturity, or narcissism, in your relationships. One of the first questions he is asked is, "what do I do now that I am becoming more aware?"
Tony shares how all the things you start doing in your awakening matter, from your thoughts to the books you read, to the podcasts you listen to.
In Rick Hanson, Ph.D.'s book "Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom," Chapter 4, “Taking in the Good”
"Much as your body is built from the foods you eat, your mind is built from the experiences you have. The flow of experience gradually sculpts your brain, thus shaping your mind. Some of the results can be explicitly recalled: This is what I did last summer; that is how I felt when I was in love. But most of the shaping of your mind remains forever unconscious.
This is called implicit memory, and it includes your expectations, models of relationships, emotional tendencies, and general outlook. Implicit memory establishes the interior landscape of your mind - what it feels like to be you - based on the slowly accumulating residues of lived experience.
But here’s the problem: your brain preferentially scans for, registered, stores, recalls, and reacts to unpleasant experiences; as we’ve said, it’s like Velcro for negative experience and Teflon for positive ones. Consequently, even when positive experiences outnumber negative ones, the pile of negative implicit memories partially grows faster. Then the background feeling of what it feels like to be you can become undeservedly glum and pessimistic.
The remedy is not to suppress negative experiences; when they happen, they happen. Rather, it is to foster positive experiences - and in particular, to take them in so they become a permanent part of you.”
